Perfection? Illusion?

(This isn't edited or proof read I just jot down whatever comes into my head and post it. So I apologise in advance for any grammatical/syntactical errors) 

I hate the fact that I can never stand up for myself. 

I let myself be trampled upon, ignored. 

Maybe I'm lost?

Or am I scared?

It's funny how certain experiences of the past completely change your perspective about life and you just can't trust people the same way again or love the same way again. Ever. No matter how hard you try to erase those memories.

I feel it's all a facade. Nothing else. 

Those who say they "moved on" "let go" "don't really care anymore" etc etc. 

How? How on earth can you simply chose to ignore the experiences- good or bad- that probably shaped the person you are today. 

Are we just too scared to accept our failures? Or are we too caught up in our own web of self-importance to EVER admit that everyone makes mistakes. 

I  apologise for even the smallest of things (and at times even when its not my fault) and have often been told that I don't have to apologise for everything I do.  After all "to err is human…"

And now thinking over my actions I've realised maybe I apologise because I don't want anyone to think badly of me?

I want to be accepted?

But maybe I need to accept myself before I expect anyone to accept me exactly the way I am?