.

The scars and bruises-

They haunt you

They remind you of darkness

A darkness where you lost yourself.

These battles you fight with yourself each day. 

No one can hate you more…

More than you hate yourself 

And they ask…

What happened to the light inside of you?

Where did the smile fade?

How do you tell them,

You made me insecure.

Made me feel I was nothing but dirt.

Made me feel I was nothing but a burden. 

I was happy

But you couldn't see me happy

You wanted to see my fall

You wanted to see the ground crumble under these two feet of mine. 

You hated the smile on my face. 

And now you ask where the smile went well…

The smile drowned in despair

The light was engulfed by darkness

Tears are what are left of the laughs

I've lost myself. 

You made me loose myself.

Hope you're happy now.

Perfection? Illusion?

(This isn't edited or proof read I just jot down whatever comes into my head and post it. So I apologise in advance for any grammatical/syntactical errors) 

I hate the fact that I can never stand up for myself. 

I let myself be trampled upon, ignored. 

Maybe I'm lost?

Or am I scared?

It's funny how certain experiences of the past completely change your perspective about life and you just can't trust people the same way again or love the same way again. Ever. No matter how hard you try to erase those memories.

I feel it's all a facade. Nothing else. 

Those who say they "moved on" "let go" "don't really care anymore" etc etc. 

How? How on earth can you simply chose to ignore the experiences- good or bad- that probably shaped the person you are today. 

Are we just too scared to accept our failures? Or are we too caught up in our own web of self-importance to EVER admit that everyone makes mistakes. 

I  apologise for even the smallest of things (and at times even when its not my fault) and have often been told that I don't have to apologise for everything I do.  After all "to err is human…"

And now thinking over my actions I've realised maybe I apologise because I don't want anyone to think badly of me?

I want to be accepted?

But maybe I need to accept myself before I expect anyone to accept me exactly the way I am?

The Beginning of an End

You don't know what you've got until its gone. 

Life can throw you into such funny situations and that's when you truly understand why they say you can't get the best of both worlds always. 

It's like one of those moments when good songs start playing on the radio just as you're about to get off the car and you wish you could sit longer in the car but you can't cause you've reached your destination. 

But I guess that's how life goes on. One moment comes and is then replaced by the next. But it's the memories that last for lifetime. And what you learn along the way on these journeys. 

 You have to go back to where you came from and begin a new journey cause each journey has an end. Each end is a new beginning and if we don't have bitter moments in life- the endings- we won't be able to cherish the sweet ones- the beginnings.